She Needs to Vent

Dear MBJ,
I'm writing because I need to vent and in hopes you can shed some light on my situation. I have been involved with my child's father for almost 18 years. I stood by him when he was sentenced to 7 years back in 2000. I did all the prison stuff a girlfriend would do. We talked, I visited etc. We made plans of being together once he was released. Well during one of our conversations, he mentioned that he intended to use marijuana when he was released. I told him that he could not smoke weed at home and he became angry. At that point 'our' place became my place and from then on he was so negative. My last conversation with him he asked me if I didn't hear from him would I try to find him. I told him no. Then he asked me why and I told because I felt he wouldn't want me to and why would I have to try and find him if we are together? To make a long story short he lied about his release date, got released sooner than what he said and I have not seen or heard from him since. The question I've been asking myself is did he simply use me to help make him comfortable while he did his time, or did my objecting to his wanting to use drugs make him change his mind? He has a history of substance abuse (crack) and always moves up to his drug of choice eventually. This is what I was trying to avoid/did not want about my child/his child. Also, when he was first incarcerated, there was another women in the picture, but to my knowledge she no longer was that's why I'm not sure. Also what is the recidivism rate for parolee's with substance abuse problems. I'm just angry that I fell for his BS. As for yourself it's wonderful to know that a person can change if they want to and put forth the effort to do so. Need to Vent.

Dear Need-to-Vent,
I doubt whether your telling him that he could not smoke weed in the house caused him to change his mind about his relationship with you. You have been together for 18 years and have a child together, you do the whole “girlfriend thing” while he was in prison, yet he lies to you about his release date and doesn't tell you where he is. The most people on parole with drug problems go back to prison sooner or later. Don't worry, you'll be getting a “collect call from a correctional facility” from him, probably sooner than later. You may have went for his BS while he was inside and it may hurts for a while, but you probably find out that him not coming to your home will save you a lot of future grief and BS. Good luck. mbj

P.S., I’m happy to hear that my book “How to Love & Inspire Your Man After Prison”, was helpful to you.